Tuesday, August 28, 2012

10 Ways Children Ruin Your Social Life

When I was younger, I had a social life. 

Then I had kids...

For those of you out there who naively think that having children will not affect your social life, STOP READING NOW. 

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Why is it that these little cherubs ruin any social life that you may have had B.C. (Before Children)? 

1.They wake up at the crack of dawn, leaving you too tired to plan or even consider social activities after dark.

2. If you do decide to brave a night out, you have to deal with tired and cranky kids the next day.

3. It's illegal to leave them home alone while you go out.

4. They trash other people's houses and make sure that you do not get a return invite.

5. They leave restaurants and coffee shops looking like they are the latest victims of Cyclone Yasi.

6. They sleep during the middle of the day which ruins any lunchtime plans you may have (apart from watching The Ellen Show).

7. The amount of stuff you have to take when you go out with kids would easily put you over the baggage allowance on most domestic flights. 

8. Any car ride over 20 minutes (30 minutes with a DVD player) is like a trip to the end of the earth for your kids. So that limits your social engagements to within one "Are we there yet?" radius. 

9. When you finally arrive, you will spend all of your time feeding, watering and cleaning the kids, which will pretty much ruin any chance you had of having a conversation with another adult.

10. And if you do manage to get a night off without the kids, you will be famished by 6:00pm; pissed by 7:00pm and fast asleep on the couch by 8:00pm.

Are you kids ruining your social life?

Leanne :)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

5 Ultimate Insults When You're 5

Remember when you were 5? No?

Well, let me remind you. You thought you were invincible – there was nothing you couldn’t do. 

You had the power to wound others with your very clever words… or so you thought.

Here’s a list of my 5 year old’s favourite insults:

1. I’m not your friend anymore! 
Fortunately, 5 year olds are fickle creatures and they are likely to be your best buddy again in a few minutes.

   2. You’re a baby! 
   These are harsh words when you are the ripe old age of 5.

   3. You scribbled! 
   Another particularly upsetting comment because it implies that you are, in fact, a baby.

   4. You’re not coming to my party! 
   The great thing about this insult is that 5 year olds have no concept of time so it can be used even if your birthday is 12 months away.

   5. Stinky poo bum head! 
   The number one insult for 5 year olds.

What was your ultimate insult when you were a kid? And be nice or I won’t be your friend anymore… :)


Thursday, August 2, 2012

My Husband Says The Dumbest Things

My husband is a very smart man but sometimes he says the dumbest things…

Like today, when he asked me what on earth I do each school morning between 7am (when he leaves for work) and 8:15am (when I take my eldest son to school)…

Well, dear husband - here’s what I do:

7am: Get Mr 5’s uniform and breakfast ready. Get myself breakfast. Have detailed discussion with Mr 5 about whether a giraffe or a zebra would run faster.

7:15am: Get Mr 1’s breakfast and strap him in the high chair while I shower and get myself half dressed.

7:30am: Yell at Mr 5 to hurry up and finish his breakfast. Let Mr 1 out of his highchair but not before he spills his cup of milk all over the floor. Clean up spilt milk and high chair disaster zone while still only half dressed. Wash up whilst yelling at Mr 5 to hurry up and get dressed.

7:45am: Finish getting dressed in something that does not require ironing and slap on some lipstick, all the while arguing with Mr 5 over whether he needs to wear a jacket in the middle of winter. Locate the form due back at school today and put in school bag. Decide on what to have for dinner. Play ‘Where’s mummy’s shoes?’ with Mr 1.

8am: Chase Mr 1 all over the house trying to dress him. Make myself a coffee, while discussing what clouds are made of with Mr 5. Throw together a lunchbox for Mr 1 to take to Playgroup. Give him half the food in the lunchbox because he spots me packing it. Remind Mr 5 to pack his bag for the 23rd time this morning.

8:15am: Yell at Mr 5 to get in the car. Send Mr 5 back inside to get his school bag. Throw Mr 1 in the car. Go back inside for my coffee and then we’re off. Hang on – where’s Mr 1’s shoes? Go back for his shoes. Now we’re really off but it won’t be until we arrive at school that I discover Mr 1 has kindly wiped his dirty hands on the back of my shirt.

So dear husband, that is what on earth I do each morning...

What dumb things has your husband said to you?

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