Friday, May 25, 2012

7 Habits of Highly Annoying Neighbours

With impeccable timing, our new neighbours moved in around the time I was due to have my 2nd child. They seemed lovely - a young couple with no children. When told that the hubby works night shift, I thought that was perfect - he'll sleep all day long & be at work all night. We won't have to worry about these neighbours keeping us awake with their wild parties! Well, that part is true – however, instead of sleeping all day like most shift workers, my neighbour likes to reinvent new ways of breaking the sound barrier. To be fair, I could quite possibly tolerate these habits if they didn't habitually occur just as my little man is drifting off to sleep.

Here are my neighbour's 7 highly annoying habits:
  1. Using a Leaf blower to clean his patio. Really? Is that necessary? Could you not just use a broom like the rest of us?!
  2. Using a gurney to clean his patio! Not quite sure what they are doing on that patio that requires such vigorous cleaning but wouldn't a hose do?
  3. Dumping his large collection of empty beer bottles into the recycling bin. You know, someone really should invent plastic beer bottles for this very reason – plus it is a dead giveaway to your neighbours that you have had a huge night on the grog.
  4. Starting up his boat in the middle of the day. I don't pretend to have any kind of nautical knowledge but why, why, why?
  5. Unpacking the dishwasher, which could be likened to the sounds of a Greek wedding with all the plate smashing that goes on… Now, I'm all for him helping out around the house but there are ways of doing this which don't require ear plugs.
  6. Driving his 4WD down the side of his house to get to his shed. Here's the thing - his backyard is not that big. He could just bloody walk!
  7. Whipper snipping along our fence line. It's not the whipper snipping that annoys me – it's the chain reaction of barking from every single dog in the entire neighbourhood.

Well, it just so happens Mr Noisy Neighbour that I have a few tricks up my sleeve in the form of a 15 month old who likes to wake at 5am. So, don't be surprised if you hear the sounds of a 1 year old being let loose in the backyard with a collection of the noisiest toys he owns, while you are trying to sleep. Or I could pull out the big guns and bring my cranky baby over and dump him on your doorstep for a few hours and let you deal with him…

Then perhaps you will think twice before waking up my child!

Leanne J

What annoying habits do your neighbours have?

Friday, May 18, 2012

On the Hunt for Mary Poppins…

The time has come for me to return to work. And so begins the extensive search for a day care mum. I have already been searching for around 6 months. Why has it taken so long, you ask? I blame Mary Poppins – she was practically perfect in every way, why can't I find someone like her to look after my child?!

 Here's what I am looking for in my very own Mary Poppins: 
  1. She must not have a swimming pool in her backyard. For obvious reasons, I would prefer that my child not test out those expensive swimming lessons while I am at work.
  2. She must not have a dog larger than my son. A bull mastiff? Seriously? You want me to leave my child with you and your bull mastiff?    

  3. She must not have an older child who will take out my 1 year old if he gets between him and a toy. He already has an older brother at home thank you very much, and I don't have to pay for him!
  4. She must not have grass long enough to lose my child in. Again, he can get this at home for free.
  5. She must not live in a sweat box. Heard of those things that cool you down? They're called fans – get some! Even better, get some air con!
  6. There must be room to swing a cat around and not have it hit its head on both sides of the play area.
  7. She must adore my child and make comments that he is the cutest child she has ever seen in her life (or words to that effect)…
  8. And perhaps get my child to take his medicine with just a spoonful of sugar wouldn't hurt… oh wait, that's Mary Poppins again, isn't it?



    Do you think my standards are too high? What criteria do you have for the carers of your children?



Friday, May 11, 2012

Things I Never Thought I Would Say Before I Had Kids...

  1. 'Hmmm... is that spew or poo on my shirt?' This pearler came when my youngest was a newborn and it wasn't until after I had dropped my son off at kindy that I noticed the stain on my shirt. And yes, in case you're wondering, it was poo!!
  2. 'Yay! It's stopped raining. Now I can do some washing!' Yes, those words did come out of my mouth one morning after a few days of straight rain.
  3. 'Here, play with Mummy's Iphone.' This one was said to my 1 year old. Uh huh…. Keeps him quiet for ages! I have even downloaded some apps just for him. 
  4. 'Tell me you did not just wee on the carpet again!' My darling 14 month old has a habit of waiting until his nappy is off before weeing on the carpet. Well, at least it's better than weeing on the tiles cause then someone inevitably slips over in it and that someone is usually me...
  5. 'Wow! I just slept in till 7am!' With a 4 year old and a 1 year old, 7am counts as a sleep in these days. 
  6. 'Is that an egg ring on my bedroom floor?!' Sure is…. My little man likes to pull everything out of the kitchen drawers and then drag it all around the house. It's all fun and games until Mummy needs her colander to drain the pasta...
  7. 'Has anyone seen my toothbrush?' Every morning we play Hide and Seek with our toothbrushes because my 1 year old likes to carry them around the house and leave them in strange places for us to find. We now have spare toothbrushes, which is all well and good, until he hides them too.
  8. 'Please don't put Mummy's toothbrush in the toilet!' The toilet is such a great play thing when you are 1. It even comes with blue water to play in! My little man likes to combine his obsession with toothbrushes and the toilet and throw them in there. What I really should have said was, 'Here, have Daddy's instead…' J
Leanne :)

What things have you said since having kids that you never thought you would hear yourself say?

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